Today started out not so great. But I think it’s getting better. (I am writing this mid-day, so I’m still not sure how the rest of the day will turn out but I am hoping and praying that I can say it was GOOD.) I am writing now, despite that, because something is on my mind and I need to express it. I am reading a book about how God can use anxiety as something GOOD in your life. GOOD? Really? I shamefully admit I have moments when I seriously doubt that. But that means I am doubting God. Shame on me again.
During the course of my morning I came across the blog on Caring Bridge that is being written by the mother of Lauren Scruggs. If you haven’t heard of her or don’t recognize the name, she is the young woman who was injured a few months ago when she walked into the spinning propeller of an airplane. It resulted in the loss of her arm and her eye. The family has completely turned to God during this time and as her mother wrote, they are having faith that something GOOD (there it is again) will come of her accident. Wow. I feel selfish at times that I pity myself for no good reason other than I can’t deal with my emotions in a healthy way.
But, I realize that these are MY issues right now. They may not be as bad as they could be but they are what I am dealing with. It’s easier to heal, I think, when you have someone to blame. But it’s so much harder when you know you are the cause and the only solution to your own problems. Not to say that God isn’t a solution. I know full well He is, but I have to BELIEVE that God is a solution in order to help HIM help ME. I must be patient. I know He has a plan, a reason. It may simply be a test of my faith. I constantly think “I wish I could go back to being me, the person I used to be”…BUT maybe that’s not how it needs to be, maybe I will become a newer, better version of who I used to be. I am trying every day to rise to the challenge and live to please Him. And wait for that something GOOD to show up. I think the fact that I was compelled to write this shows a little hint of that. Thank you, God. You are GOOD.