This morning at 5:40 I was awakened by a train whistle. Train whistles are not an unusual occurrence seeing as how I live near the railroad tracks, but normally they pass by and I don’t pay much attention. This one, however, was intent on getting my attention. Then I smiled because I realized why.
Nine hours earlier….
Anxiety was attempting to blow up in me. Trying to adjust to new meds for my ongoing stomach issues has had me nauseated and not able to eat as well. This leads to low blood sugar, which leads to anxious feelings and I’m on that crazy merry-go-round again, thinking I could lose it. I’d had enough. I retreated to the bathroom and prayed. I pleaded with God. “Please change me. Please don’t let me go through this vicious cycle again. Why is this happening to me?!”
I kept hearing that all week. You see, ever since this all started two years ago, I knew God was calling me. I knew He wanted me to be different. I was hearing Him, I just wasn’t following through. I actually craved more of Him. I read as much as I could about faith, prayer, guidance. I wanted so badly to be whatever it was He was calling me to be. But I wasn’t actually living it. I wasn’t trusting. I wasn’t turning everything over to Him completely, every single day. I wasn’t diving into the bible every day and I wasn’t spending time in prayer and devotion each morning like I used to. So in that moment in the bathroom, He said just follow me. Live for Me and let Me live IN you….
Just. Let. It. Go.
So I gave in once more. I said okay, I will get up tomorrow morning and I will start reading my devotions again and I will purposely spend more time in Your word but You have to help me because mornings aren’t my thing. (Seemed like a fair deal).
So there it was at 5:40. The train whistle. Helloooo, time to get up! I laid there a while longer, but like me nudging my daughter out of bed every morning, He was nudging me as well. Get up. Read my word. We can conquer this together.
So I did. The devotion was perfect:
The more He fills you, the more you become your true self.
And the corresponding bible verse was spot on:
Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men, Knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [and not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [real] reward. [The One Whom] you are actually serving [is] the Lord Christ (the Messiah). Colossians 3:23-24 (Amplified Bible)
I know I must continue on His path for me. This isn’t always easy when you don’t know where you are going but I know it’s either follow Him like the train follows the tracks or continue on this uncertain path and eventually derail.
Today I choose to trust.
Is there something holding you back from trusting God today?