“In The Middle”

“Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me” – Casting Crowns

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And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you – Psalm 9:10

I often find myself in the middle. I can be so close to where God wants me to be but something holds me back. I can’t always offer a full surrender. It’s that part of me that still wants to be in control. That part of me that hesitates because I can’t see what is ahead and what the outcome will be. This has a lot to do with being an anxiety sufferer/worrier and if you are one as well, you know that we have a need to always know what is going to happen in order to be prepared for whatever arises. I laugh at myself for this because it is completely irrational and not at all in line with how a Christian should think. Thus, I am in the middle.

As the song I quoted above goes, “Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control?” God is trying to make me into the person I am meant to be but sometimes I halt the construction. I let Him get me, where? To the middle. Often times just past the middle. And then I restrain. I have “deep water faith in the shallow end”. I can stand at the edge of the water, feet still planted firmly on the ground and say “sure… I have faith” but if I’m not willing to step into the deepest part where I can’t see but only trust, then where am I?

I don’t want to start the New Year in the middle. So today I am shooting for just past the middle and see where I end up in the coming year. If you find yourself caught somewhere between who you are and who God wants you to be, or who you used to be and who you want to be, remember that He is always near. He loves you no matter what and He will never stop trying to bring you closer to Him.

I wish each of you a happy, healthy and blessed New Year and pray that you seek God and find Him in everything you do!

“Hakuna Matata!”

NYE Sunrise

Beautiful sunrise this New Year’s Eve morning

So here we are…December 31st. I’m sure most of you, like me, are reflecting on 2012 and looking forward to what 2013 holds in store.

Obviously, the past twelve months of my life are no secret. I have shared the good, the bad and the ugly through the words on my blog. I have also shared God’s word, which ultimately is the reason I am able to sit here and write about the journey I have been on this year.

Yesterday I received an email from WordPress documenting the yearly stats of my blog since it began in February. I can see the stats on a daily basis but it was fun to have it all laid out for me and see how it shaped up at the end of the year. My blog had nearly 2,800 views this year. My words were read by people in 29 different countries. The U.S. having the most visitors to my site, with Canada in second and oddly India was a close third. I had visitors from places such as Indonesia, South Africa, Bangladesh, Greece and Australia, just to mention a few. I never imagined my thoughts and faith in God would reach such far off places. My hope is that someone, somewhere along the way, near or far, was touched, found faith themselves or was lead to a greater understanding of the power and greatness of our Lord.

As I look back on the year, it is obviously been the hardest year of my life. I started out as someone I didn’t recognize. Slowly, I have found her again and I want to thank everyone who has been on this journey with me….you know who you are! : ) And to all of those who faithfully follow and read my blog, the ones who “like” the link when I post it and send me comments or messages, I thank you as well. I am looking forward to the New Year and pray I can continue to INSPIRE you.

Below are a few quotes, prayers, words of encouragement and verses that I collected this year. Some made it to the blog, some didn’t, and some are words that I carry with me to remind me I am never alone when I am a true believer in Christ.

  • “As a man thinketh, so is he”….Proverbs 23:7 (quote from a friend.. “Funny how the bible has an answer for everything”)…so true!
  • I don’t know about you, but often it’s just plain easier to throw up our hands, sit back, let life happen, and go nowhere. Or head backwards, slowly but surely. Hauling ourselves up the ladder takes focused energy and ongoing effort that we can’t drum up without the gracious help from our Heavenly Father. Yet, if we want to claim His rich, wise, eternity-in-view perspective, we have no other choice but to humble ourselves, get on our knees, and ask Him to lead the way.
  • Attempt something so big for God that it is sure to fail without Him!
  • Just BELIEVE in yourself and you will make it! (thank you Callie)
  • If I’m struggling, it’s not because of what I’ve been through. It’s because of what I came to believe when I went through it. God heals me, not by changing my past, but by revealing truth and displacing lies.
  • The battle is over but the memories will have to be rearranged to the back of your mind and this is where God’s gift must be fully internalized….you survived!
  • The Lord is my refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.
  • The beginning of anxiety is the end of FAITH.
  • Let it go, and let God take control.
  • Hakuna Matata!!! (thank you again, Callie!)
  • Live a life worthy of the calling you have received – Ephesians 4:1
  • Follow Me one step at a time…if I do lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for the strenuous climb.
  • God will never lead you into a situation and leave you to fail. If we sit still long enough to hear his whispers and adhere to His counsel (the message may come through an acquaintance, stranger or friend), we can transition from a difficult place towards victory
  • If you feel like you’re just ‘going through the motions’ and it even feels fake, keep doing it! Otherwise, you may die in the desert, on your way to glory
  • “You have to break that bad habit, you have to face your fears not once, but continually and realize they are nothing but creative interpretations from a fatigued and confused mind. You must stay strong, keep hold of hope and have faith you will overcome this.” (this has been posted to my bathroom mirror for a year : )
  • The only thing wrong with you, is that you still think there is something wrong with you.
  • And finally….”Cast all your anxiety on Him…because He cares for you!” – 1 Peter 5:7

 Happy New Year everyone!!!